Aiming to Please, or Not!

Family are not the easiest people to please, yet some people feel that if they don't have their family's approval that it's hard to be happy for themselves.  Picture this:  A mom who has been divorced for about six years and alone, not even dating, decides to have a romantic relationship with a guy she meet and having been going on dates with.  She has two children at home, but the rest of her children are grown. out of the house and some with families of their own.  About a week after she decides to make it official, he comes to visit.  Her oldest daughter also comes from out of town to visit as well.  So she decides to let her children that live in the area and her daughter who was visiting, meet him.  They all went to church together and out to eat.  He met one of her grown sons and her oldest daughter and another daughter.  During the time they spent with him going out to eat and to church, they saw some things that they didn't like about him.  The son noticed he went up and started having a conversation with another woman with the mother (his girlfriend) standing there but didnt think to introduce her.  The oldest daughter just thought he was totally wrong for her. That entire day went smoothly, but the conflict came when all the children were back at their homes.  The daughter decided she didn't like him and she was gonna let it be known.  She called all the brothers and sisters and discussed what she didn't like about their mother's new boyfriend.  She went on to tell them how she was embarrassed at how he was behaving during dinner at the restaurant and how she thought  he was.hiding something.  After discussing it with her siblings, she decided to call her mom and make her case.  She called her mom and told her mom that she talked to the rest of her siblings and they decided that none of them like her new boyfriend.  She went on to tell why and began insulting him and telling her she could do better that him.  Her mother disagreed but agreed she was entitled to her opinion.  The next day after learning how the daughter recruited the other siblings and spoke for them, the mother became bothered and offended.  She realized how she talk negatively about her knew boyfriend to her brothers who had not met him, causing them to get a negative perception with giving him a chance.  This angered the mother.  She wanted not to care, but it botherd her that her grown children dont approve her new boyfriend, when she wanted them so badly to like him.  When the mother became angry and expressed her feelings by asking why can't she be happy for her. The daughter responded by saying, "This is why we didn't want to tell you the truth, because you always get angry and think nobody wants you happy.  My question to you is do you think the mother needs ther grown children's approval?  Now that this has all happen she doesn't feel like she can call her daughter and talk about her relationship with her, because she won't be happy for her.  Who do you side with, the mother or the daughter?  If you're the daughter how do you tell your mom you dont think her boyfriend is right for her, or do you? One approach is to stay out of it, do you think this is  the best decision? Can you be happy for someone and concerned for them at the same time?  What should the mom do?  Tell me what you think. I was the mediator in this incident earlier this week and wanted to she what you guys thought.


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